Strong Emotions
I don't know if it's because of the NVLD, or my genetics or life experiences, but I've always felt emotions very strongly. "Feelings" are very powerful, I feel them in my body, head, and it seems like I can feel them in my soul, deep inside and all encompassing. I think if it could be visualized, you could imagine my emotions as a body of water and I'm submerged or floating depending on my mood or circumstances. And sometimes the water will be constantly swirling and big waves will crash down on top of me.
I'll be gasping trying to stay afloat but the water gets caught in my throat and burns my eyes, I can't see or think, I can only feel the water swallowing me. My awareness will be limited to a singular thought repeating in my head, like "It's too much, it's too much." Other times, I could be floating and the water is so still I feel afraid and empty. The water isn't flowing around me, it's just sitting and reflecting. I'm afraid to look and see myself looking back.
I know it sounds pretty negative, but there are times I do enjoy the strength of what I feel, and it's when I listen to music. I can make the water move, swirl, wave, surge, collapse, whatever I want, I just need to pick the right song and off I go. Music is really enjoyable for that reason, but yes, it can be negative as well. I can become swallowed up and submerged if I listen to certain songs, and start to drown in darkness. Then I just turn the song off and float back to the top and dry off. But most of them it's like how I feel when I'm flying in my dreams, surging up and then abruptly dropping down, left, right, I can fly anywhere I want, I can go anywhere I want, I can see everything below and above me at once. It's addicting really, god I wish it were all the time.
-Serenity